7

THE KORNICKLES OF DEZMIND

CHAPTER 7.

DESSMOUNDE, being a Manne of Infinit Mirthe, and also the Jocularite, and the Jesture, and also fond of Japes, and also Merry-Making, did goe unto the Encampament, where he was pousted to Battaile, and yea, he did take several Hydes of the Cowe, which were tann'd, and stretched, and yea, cutte, and sewn, and he did arragnge them upon Pouls, and he propp'd them upp upon the battlemente, and yea, he did apply the pigmentes from crushed Beetles, and yea, he did make manie festivites, and yea, he did acuqire the Spirits, and also, the Aqua Vitae, and yea, also the Herbes from the foreste, and yea, he did crush them into a pouder, and yea, he did call upon the Compagnie, and he did say unto them, that they should go unto his Emcampament, and yea, that they should drink of the Spirits, and yea, rubbe the Herbes upon thier Skinnes, and yea to be Merrie, and they didde, and it wasse Goode.

And yea, there were manie Menne there, of manie coulours, and yea, of the Christein Faithe, and yea, there was a manne from the Southern Landes, whereupon he wore the thick Bearde, to protecte from the Frosts, and the Raging Winds, however, upon the longue voyage to the Battle-Field, it did become an Encumbrance, and yea, he did remouve it, by soaking it in the Spiritis, and yea, he did sette it upon the Flammes, and it burn'd, in a hue of Greene, and yea, the deede was done, and it wasse goode. And allso, there was a man, who was from the Northe Landes, and who did not weare a beard, for he was Encoumbred by the hotte Dessert Sonne, houever, being upon the Field of Battle, he was Chill'd to the Bone, and yea, he did grow the bearde, and also he putte Grooves upon his Haire, such that the Winde would flou paste in a Soothing pattr'n, instead of Gusting upon his Face, and Chilling him to the Bone, and it wasse goode.

And thusly, there was also a man, who was from the Westr'n Landes, and hee, being a man of the Mearchante classe, and being a man of Greate Wealthe, and who did encountre goode Windes of Fourtune, did come into prosession of a horse-drawne carraiege, which was from the Sumerian ciuilisaition, and yea, it was Re-furbish'd, such that it smell'd of the freshly tanned Hydes of wild Animales, and it was goode. And then the man said to the Group, that they should go and travelle with himme, such that they can go to the Lands in the Easte, to seeke the Prieste, who was called Matthias, and yea, that they may be baptised by himme, such that they would be Goode Crisitan Menne, and they did goe, and it wasse goode.

6

THE KRONIKELS OF DUSMUND

CHAPTIR 6.

NOWE, Dessemounde, being a Man of hisse Wurde, did goe unto the battel-Field, and he didde Slaye manie Coumbatants which belongued to the Ratte-Kinge, and he did cutte offe their Heades, and also their Genitalie, and he did stuffe one unto the Other, and dysplay themme upon his Emcampament, for Alle to see, and it wass goode. Houever, in the cours of Tyme, it did coume to passe, that, in the dayes, and the Nights, and the Evengys, and the After-Noones, and the Mournings, and also the Twi-lights, and also, the Dawnes, and the Duskes, and the Sun-Rise, and also, the Sunne-Sette, that Desmounde did return to the village where he was Bourne, and yea, it wasse a leave, of Vacatioune, for he had Slaind ouer 20 Coumbatates of the Ratte-Kinge, and it wasse goode.

Thusly, it became nesecary for Desmund to go unto the village, where laied the young girl which he desired to lay down with, such that he may Know herre, in the way, and yea, it did come to passe, that he went into the forest, and he Lay upon a Rocke, and yea, he did take Herbes from the Forest, and he did lay them upon the Fyre, and he did inhale the Vapours, and then, the cours of time, a Birde did come unto himme, and it encircle'd him manny Tymes, and yea, itte did speake to himme, and it did saye, that, Desmounde must go unto the Cottage of the younge Womone, and he must go there, and say to her that he wishe to lay with her, such that he may know her, in the way, and yea, the birde did defecacte upon his Bodie, and yea, Desmounde was much despleased, and also disgruntled, and also disenchanted, and also disillusioned, and also dissolved, like the Parliemente, and yea, he did go to wype the foul offense upon his breaste, and yea, in the cours of doing soe, he did discover a message upon the excremente, and he read it, and yea, it contayned the leucation of the womons Cottage, and he rejoyced, in the Aire, and it was goode.

And yea, it came to passe, that, as Alle Things doe, that, Desmounde, he did go unto the Cottage of the womone, and yea, he did passe by itte manie tymes, for he had Fear upon his breaste, and yea, he was loath to go in side, and yea, in the course of several Hours, he did go unto the foreste, and he lay upon a charire, and he inhaled Vapours, to calme his Nerves, and yea, he did finally go unto the Cottage, and he knowcked upon the Doore, and he prepared his Lignes, houever, the womon, upon seeing himme thru the houle in the Doore, and, notte wounting to be dystrubed, did not Answer the Doore, and yea, Desmonde wente houme, and he Wept, and it wasse goode.

5

THE KRONICKS OF DEUSMONS

CHAPTEIR 5.

DESSMONDE, being a manne of the stoutnesse of the Mynde, and also the courporeal Fleshe, did go unto the battle-field, and as suche, he did dwelle in the Encampamente, and he was fourced to share his Chambres with the other Worriers, and yea, he slept in a Tente, and yea, it was divyded unto two Segementes, each coumpouring two Soulders, and Desmound did sleepe thuslie. And yea, he slept upon the Carapet, with a Manne, and this man was called Mr. Reberte, and yea, he was impress'd unto the Servise, for he was suspeckted to be a Coumunisste, and yea, Desmonde learned of the wayes of the Worlde, and yea, he did go with the Menne, into the Foreste, and yea, he did gather Herbes, and and Logges, and also the Dunge of Animales, and he did take them unto the Fyre, and he did inhale the Vapours, and it wasse goode.

Houever, one Daye, upon the Heate of Battel, yea, the Morale, it being Lowe, and yea, being Menne of the Worlde, the soulders did coume unto the Towne, which was near-by, and they did acquire several Prostitues, and they did take them upon the Encampamente, and yea, they did enjoy their Compagnie, and they did lay with them, such that they would Know each Other, and yea, it wasse goode. And thusly, Desmonde, he did become acquanitted with one of the Prostituse, and he did enjoy herre Compagnie, butte, he did not laye with herre, such that he may Know Her, for he was a Manne of the Churche, and he did not believe in such Worldlie Thynges.

Butte, he, being a manne of the Fleshe, and that his Genitalia did throbbe forcefully upon her Presense, and being of the Mynde which was moste methodickal, and calcoulating, and yea, his bearde, it was that of a Manne, thusly, he did go unto the Prostitue, and he did aske her to lay with himme, such that they may Know each Other, however, he did not wante to approtion the Monnaie to herre, for he belief'd that it was wronge, and thusly, she said unto himme, that she would notte, and he was sadden'd by thisse, but, the nexte daye, he went up to herre, and he did eate the Fleshe of Animales, and he did inhale Vapours, with herre, and it wasse goode.

4

THE KONICKELS OF DESSEMOUNDE

CHAPITRE 4.

DESMOUNDE, being of the warre-like tempremente, and being called oute to defendre his houme lande, againste the fources of the Ratte-Kinge, Nikoulousse, and being a man who wielede a spear upon his hande, and also, the leather sandales, and also, the cuppe upon the genitalia, for the pourposes of protection, and also, the tourtouse shelle upon his head, for the pourpouses of protection, wente, in the tyme of great crysesse, unto the fieldes of warre, and he did slay many myrmidones, and also mercenaries, and also sworde-masters, and also and also cavaleeres, but only the ones who wieded sourdes, for he was strong to that elemente, becuse he wielded the speare, and it wasse goode.

Thusly, it came to passe, that, being upon the fieldes of warre, and being aparete from that yonge girle, who caused his genitalaia to swelle, and to engourge, and to become erecte, and to become firme like a tree, which sprouts from the colde grounde, where upon the rayes of the sunne did shyne upone it, in the manner of the waves foulling upon a rocke. Thusly, he, being a man who was most craftie, did determine, the loucation of her grasse-roof cottage, and he did take his quille pen from his leather bagge, and he did dippe it into the bloode of his slaine enemies, and he did write upon the dried skinne of a goate, and he did deliver many massages unto a scroll, and he roll'd it uppe, and he tye'd it with a lenght of corde, and he did give it to the massanger, and he did give him five shyllinges, and he did tell himme to deliver it unto herre, and it was goode.

And thysly, it came to passe, in the course of tyme, which runneth like a snake upon the wyntre snowes, and which slither like a foule beaste, and he waited many nightes, and many dayes, until the haires upon his genitalia reached the lengthe of several furloges, and then did he cutte it offe, and then it reached that lengthe againe, and he stille waited for that massage, but it did notte come, and he was embittred, and he slay'd a goat, which was neaerby, and he roasted it over the fire, and he ate of the fleshe, and he became saitaited, and it wasse goode.

3

THE KRONIKKLES OF DESMOUNDE

CHAPITRE 3.

DESMOUNDE, being of the steelie resoulve, did goe unto his housse, and he satte upon the great stoole, such that he may pounder the discours of his braine, and to comtemplate the wounders of the univers, houever, beeing a manne of the fleshe, and who had strange impoulses, and who pressed upon the pouch which couered his genitales, which caused him discoumfourt, he did resolue to go unto the young woumone, and to take her unto his bed-chambres, and to lay with her, such that they may know each othere, in the waye of the fleshes, and that was his planne, and he resoulved the planne in his braine several tymes, such that he was well-versed in itte, and he was deteourmented to acte it oute.

And yea, it came to passe, that, in course of the tymes, which pass'd like a wauterfoule, which lay upon the sourface of the watter, and floate'd quitely, and which dygested insects, inside its gutte, and pass'd along its entrales, such that they may be dispos'd of in the watter it self, in the manner of a gentle-manne, yea, in that tyme, Desmonde retourned to the lectourium, such that he may empty his bouels, and also absorb know ledge, symultaneously, and that he may waunder his eyes touard that young girle, that he desyred to lay with, in the manner of mourtals, and it was goode.

Thusly, the time came to retourn to his couttage, in the course of tymes, and yea, the lectour being fynished, Desmonde tooke his booke, and his quille penne, and his inke, and his coumpasse, and his straighte-edge, and his tablettes, and his ledgere, and his furre-coate, and his speare, and his shyld, and his knif, and his leather-shoe, and his whisky, and yea, the aqua vitae, so that he may lay them unto his bagge, and he did so, in the manner most deliberate, and care-full, such that he may coyncide with the leaving of the younge gurle, and he suceded in this endeavour, and he stocked her throughe the fourest, into the road wayes of the villege, and he cought her, and he engaged in words, but he, being a manne of rurale manners, and not a manne of the citie, and who was not edoucated, did not impresse her, and he ran offe, and he found a clearing in the foreste, such that he may lay upon a rocke, and that he baske inside the sunne, and that he slither his toungue, and that he change the coulours of his skinne, and become surrounded in the miasmas of the swampe, and it was goode.

2

THE KRONIKLS OF DESMONDE

CHAPITRE 2.

AND it came to passe, that, in tyme, Desmounde did becoume profiscient in the wayes of warre, and he wore a loinclothe which surrounded his genitalia, and also, a cuppe which shielded it, and he carried a speare, and thusly did he walke about towne. And in the towne hee did see manie thynges, and they impress'd himme, such that his genitalia did engourge, and swelle, and it press'd up against the cuppe which shield'd itte, and it was mouste uncounfortable, and he thought to him selfe, that it was indeed two sydes to every thynge in this Worlde, that was the cuppe which protecteth, it also paineth himme, in tymes of great greavance.

Thusly, he did go unto the local escole, to be escoled, by the professeur, for it was decre'd that the souldiers of the provynce must be skill'd in the readinge, and the wrigting, and also the aritihmetick, such that they may decribe the figures of the warre tyme, and to prepare and interepret the repourts which were deliver'd to theme, and the addresse the generalle corectlie. And Desmonde came unto the class-roome, and he sat himself unto a chaire, and he empty'd his bouels, and he did absourbe infourmatione.

However, in the tyme, there was a great greavance, upon the cuppe which protecteth his genitalia, such that he did becoume quite uncounfortable, and he poundered as to the source of this misfourtoune, and he realised that he had seene a woumoun, upon the row in his fournt, and he thought to himself, that he would like to coupulate with this woumon, and then he comtemplaet'd, and he discover'd that this was the source of the greavance, which caused the cuppe to become tighte, and uncounfortable. And then he went back to his houme and comtemplated how he could copulate with the woumon, such that the greavance would not occur againe, and as such disrupte his learninge.

1

THE KRONIKELS OF DESMOUNDE

CHAPTER 1.

DESMONDE wausse bourne into a poore familie in the southerne partes of Isse-lunde, whereupon hie wause raysed by the faremer who plough'd hisse fieled in three dyvisions, one for the plating of the turnippes, one for the plating of the mayze, and one for the plating of the graypes. And Desmounde matur'd, and hee lourn'd the wayes of the farminges, and he became quite skyll'd at itte, and some tymes he ejacoulated upon the earthe, and it became wet with hisse sead, and it flourish'd, and it was goode.

And it came to passe, that, in the course of tyme, whereupon it pass'd, like as the snak upon the wynding waye, which slither, ande dygests myce, and Desmonde upon the fields, there was sounded the alarum that a meassanger came unto the farme of Desmonde, such that it was say'd that the Ratte-Kinge, Nikoulouse, the feriouscous manne, who carried a bearde, which was 12 furlongs wide, and thusly lounge, and who was 12 foote talle, and who was thusly wyde, and who could seectrete poyson drippinges from his mouthe, and who was couvered in the haires, and who could croush a stone with his bear handes, and who grew his hide that speers could not piers, and who was skill'd in divers talants, it was say'd that he would attake the lande of Desmounde, which was the southern parte of Isse-lunde, and that Desmounde was call'd to armes, to defende his lanade, and that he should go unto the towne, to be trayned in the wayes of warre, and he wente, and it wasse goode.